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Teaching about relationships [Sep. 20th, 2012|03:10 am]
35+ Moms with new babies

oldermoms

[sistore]
[Current Location |US, South Carolina, Southern Shops, Spartanburg, Watermere Dr, 392]

I was wondering if there are any single oldermoms who have entered into a relationship and how you presented that topic to your child?

My relationship with my ex was "lacking", so much so that my now 7yo has no memory of his father and I even kissing. After 2 years of being single, I have just begun to date and my son asked why I wanted to. I quickly realized that in his mind, showing affection (holding hands, little hello/goodbye kisses) is reserved for mommies and children. So how do I introduce this concept to him and not make him feel like I am taking something away from him?

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Comments:
[User Picture]From: crayonbeam
2012-09-20 01:16 pm (UTC)
I don't have experience with this specifically, but I am not monogamous with my son's father (even though we've lived together for over a decade) and I live in a poly household, so there are often "sleepovers" among the adults. We talk a lot about how love grows to fill the spaces where you let it in.... love is not diminished by loving more people... love is multiplied.... language like that. Sometimes we talk about different kinds of love too. You could talk about affection without talking about love. How with new people you meet might shake hands... with pals you might high five... with friends you might hug... with really good friends you might snuggle... so that affection is seen as a spectrum that is given with consent and does not diminish other relationships. Maybe there are stories, movies, etc where you can point out adults hugging other adults. Heck, you might be able to sit at a cafe and just watch and talk about what you see. We also talk a lot about being happy that other people are happy, and how their happiness comes back to you.

I hope it goes well.
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[User Picture]From: sistore
2012-09-29 05:28 am (UTC)
Thank you. I appreciate your suggestions and I was thinking along those lines, to try to relate to shows he watches or people we know. I haven't approached it again with him yet. It all makes sense at 4:00 am then in the time we have together, it seems we are consumed with the day to day stuff and school projects, then it's dad's weekend and I have to wait for my turn again. His school guidance counselor gave me some good articles too. I just have to pull it together now.
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