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ack! Don't say that! [Feb. 14th, 2011|07:57 pm]
35+ Moms with new babies

oldermoms

[crayonbeam]
I know this is a quiet list, but I was hoping not to have to post to Parenting101 for feedback.

How do you deal with it when your kid says potentially creepy stuff? Does your kid say creepy stuff?

Max say stuff like: I don't want to grow any more. I don't want to be 5. I don't want to get big. I'm never going to grow up.

I know intellectually that this is natural pre-K transitional fear, and I know intellectually he's not trying to tell me that he knows he's going to die in his sleep, but whenever he says anything like this I just want to hug him and stay awake staring at him all night to keep him safe.

It makes me sad that he isn't looking forward to growing up but it also makes me worry in some spooky creepy "maybe he knows something" way and I'm not getting over it.

Anyone been through this?
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: bealsabubbette
2011-02-15 04:08 am (UTC)
my son breaks out the "i don't want to get big," every so often. usually because he doesn't want to take a nap.

me: you have to sleep, it's when you grow
him: well i just won't grow.
me: *sigh*



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[User Picture]From: not_hothead_yet
2011-02-15 04:29 am (UTC)
nah, my problem is kids who want to grow faster than I'm ready for! My kids were always so serious and dour. Even my daughter, who tends towards the sillies, is all about being the boss and IN CHARGE. To my ever-loving annoyance.
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[User Picture]From: rikkicarey
2011-02-15 06:15 am (UTC)
Alex goes through the "I don't want to get big" every so often as well...
I figured out what the last time was about though... he has 2 big brothers... that have both moved out.... He was afraid he was going to get big and HAVE TO move out... but in his mind this was possibly going to happen after he learned to use the potty cause then he'd be BIG also..... Oh my poor lil'guy just thinks too much!

He also didn't want to get big when it meant giving up his suckie (pacifier).... I pointed out all the things that "babies don't get or don't get to do".... took a couple weeks but he's ok with 4yrs old now ;)

Edited at 2011-02-15 06:16 am (UTC)
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[User Picture]From: blondebinky
2011-02-15 08:49 am (UTC)
When my son tells me that, I point out what he can't do if he doesn't grow up. He wants to go to regular school so bad, and if he doesn't turn five then he can't go.

I also point out that "babies" don't get to watch Ben 10, Power Rangers or play Wii.

He has a second cousin, who at 21 is the baby in his family. When Adam pointed out, that he is still the baby but he had to grow up to drive a dirt bike and four wheeler.

Lastly, I told him he could keep his blanket even if grew up. That seemed to pacify the most. My hubby and I joke that his bride will walk down the aisle with his blanket as a veil.
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[User Picture]From: phoenix_glow
2011-02-15 02:50 pm (UTC)
Kids will say more and more creepy things as they get older and exposed to more ideas and people. Just wait! I think often you have to think what's behind what my child is saying? Are they wrestling with some fear, repeating something they heard, or puzzled about something. You can always ask "Why are you saying that?" to see if you get anymore information, or you can always just be a good listener and just say "really?"

As far as not wanting to grow up, kids go back and forth on that. Don't we all? You can be supportive about them wanting to stay little, and just agree, or point out all the great things big kids get to do.

Regardless of what they say or you say, as long as you don't act upset, they won't remember it 15 minutes down the road and you'll be on to something else.
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[User Picture]From: ms_hecubus
2011-02-15 04:11 pm (UTC)
My three-year-old will draw me pictures and tell me they're so I can remember her when she dies. I tell her I could never, ever forget her.
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[User Picture]From: ithoughtsheknew
2011-02-15 06:31 pm (UTC)
I had to laugh. Our 7 year old says things that makes us pause a moment before we inwardly giggle at her "seriousness". Last week she told us that she hoped I died and went to heaven before her daddy. She wasn't being ugly in the least. She was just letting us know she wants to see us both in heaven one day and, besides, she's always been a daddy's girl. :)
Don't think anything of it when they come out with their little gems. Just be happy that you provide an enviroment where they can be totally honest with their feelings...both good and bad. :)
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[User Picture]From: kateaw
2011-02-15 10:43 pm (UTC)
My daughter says similar things about not wanting to grow up and especially not wanting to leave home. She knows really that it's inevitable and we talk about the positives of being independent (messy room, as much TV as she wants etc).

I said she'll have to leave by the time she's thirty. But thinking about it I'll be 73 then and won't want her to go!
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[User Picture]From: ppplmgwiw
2011-02-16 08:48 pm (UTC)
My 4.5-yo does this. "I don't want to grow up because I don't want to die." My husband says he was watching an episode of Caillou with her the other day that dealt with death and dying, and thinks it comes from that. Stupid TV.
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[User Picture]From: kitzen_kat
2011-02-17 11:04 pm (UTC)
My DD occasionally said things like that but it was because her father died and then about 7 months later her grandfather died.

I think the creepy things are easier to deal with when you have something concrete to pin it on.

I reckon it is something that 4 and 5-y-o's work through, eventually their thoughts are distracted and filled by other things, and finally they stop it. Still feels horrid at the time.
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[User Picture]From: nidea
2011-02-19 06:39 pm (UTC)
Hug him as much as he can stand it!

As much as I look forward to K growing up, part of me wishes she could stay little too. I try to recognize where she's at now and connect with her as much as I can at her level.
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